Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
