lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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