i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
