Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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