Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
