if only i could text you this smell
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
