he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
