we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?