I have demons in me.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sarcasm needs its own font
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony