Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.