i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.