dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
