Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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