she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
