Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
