How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
