I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
