As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
