The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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