I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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