You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
