She is in my trunk
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize