Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
