9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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