Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
