he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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