where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
