dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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