I puked a lego.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
