My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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