Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
