3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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