You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
