Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
