He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
