I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
