My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
