I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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