What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
