YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
