His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
