weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize