Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
