yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
