This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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