trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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