it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
