she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize