No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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