DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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