i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
