I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
