so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
