OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can text with my tongue
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
