I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
