I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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