I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
