I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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