When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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