I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
