I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Man, jail baloney is awful.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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