The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
