You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
