True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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