Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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