this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Holy shit dude........stairs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
