already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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