Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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