I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
