i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
