i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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