my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
