I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
