I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
