I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
