...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
