Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
