i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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