Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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