At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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