so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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