Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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