At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
