bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
