At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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